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Sometimes I want to wear a skirt or a dress. Sometimes I wanna feel PRETTY in a completely asexual way, like I did when I was nine and wearing a favorite dress on a field trip. Or, you know, I just want to wear a skirt because I like how it looks in an objective non-gendered way. I feel forced to dress butch if I'm leaving the house (especially on my own) because when some douchenozzle honks or yells out of his car window at me it is the grossest, scariest feeling imaginable.

I'm afraid that looking at all female makes me a potential target for rape.

I like a lot of butch style elements and a lot of the time I feel great in them, but there are also days where it's more of a necessary, protective shell.

Just been thinking a lot about this stuff lately. Tangentially related plug: The Genderplayful Marketplace. They reached their fundraising target! Look at my Barbies go!



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 29th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)

except rape
Dec. 29th, 2010 07:17 am (UTC)
Yeah. On Christmas my dad was playing a golf video game with my cousin, and the (ten-year-old) cousin's character was a Scotsman in a kilt. Dad kept teasing Cousin for being a "Boy in a skirt."

Dec. 30th, 2010 11:12 am (UTC)
just become GENDERBEAR
Dec. 29th, 2010 04:50 am (UTC)
Probably one of the things that annoys me the most about the double standard of society is that despite all the insistence it has on making girls wear "girly" clothes, it then goes out of its way to punish them for it and insist it's a compliment. Weird thing is, when I was little, I LOVED dresses, I wore them every day. And then people mocked me for it to the point I gave up on them at age nine. It's sad, thinking back on how I used to enjoy them, but now I have such trouble even considering wearing them because of all the social baggage they come with.

TL;DR people are assholes.
Dec. 29th, 2010 07:12 am (UTC)
I didn't voluntarily wear a skirt for like ten years after the fifth grade (there were a few formal situations in between where I HAD to). It took a lot of gumption to start again, and it's still a very occasional thing and I'm very picky about what kinds I'll wear.

I keep looking for the button that will just detonate the last few thousand years of accumulated cultural double standards and bullshit. >:|
Dec. 29th, 2010 03:00 pm (UTC)
LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU FIND IT. I wanna hit it a few times too.
Dec. 29th, 2010 12:48 pm (UTC)
It's actually only in the last few years that I've discovered that I actually quite like wearing dresses outside of super-special occasions.I've never been a particularly butch dresser, but I spent years primarily wearing Tee shirts, sweatshirts/hoodies and casual pants. Dresses just felt too "girly" and that wasn't me. I somehow reached a point, though, where I realized that I like the way they look and they're fun to wear, and just decided to go for it. I've actually never been cat-called, mocked, or hit on in one since, but that may be a function of where I live. Girls will tell me I look nice, but the most I've gotten from guys is "what are you all dressed up for?" Since they're used to jeans and tee shirts. On days I want to wear a dress and feel suddenly awkward about it, I wear jeans at the same time. It lessens the dress-ness of it, and I actually kind of like the look.

I'm sorry to hear about how awful people are to you about it. I really just wish there wasn't so much cultural baggage on everything and we could just do and wear what we like. I also hate that the only way to avoid feeling objectified and weak is to "dress like a boy, " since that perpetuates the whole man=strong and superior, woman=weak and inferior. It's why Tom-boys and girls in pants are acceptable, but boys in skirts aren't. Of course women want to look like men because men are better, but it's crazy and unnatural for men to want to look like women because who wants to emulate inferiority? It's actually part of what got me over my dress hang-up, since rejecting the whole feminine=weak dynamic freed me a little to feel okay with femaleness. I just wear what I want and try not to obsess over what it says, as much as I can anyway. But I could rant about this for hours.
Dec. 29th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
I'm also a big fan of skirts over pants as a nice middle ground and because it looks cool. :D

I can't honestly remember if I've been catcalled while in a skirt but I never really wear them alone in public. I just know that I WILL get honked/screamed at about 2 out of 3 times that I take a walk, and if people are big enough douches to do that to someone they probably think is a boy ("IS THAT A MAN-BAG," a guy once screamed to me about my messenger bag--woo, anti-trans/gay violence is a whole other kettle of fish to be excited about!), girls will probably have it worse. Actually I think a (femme-dressing) girl that I walked past last time I was out got whistled at, so there you go. I know that I'm paranoid on all fronts but honestly, I think it's a legitimate concern.

Yeah, the double standards really burn my beans. I'm so impatient for our culture to just get the hell over it and sometimes I feel like I'm failing to be progressive by sticking to more butch styles. Like I said above, Dad was playing a golf video game with Cousin on Christmas, and kept teasing Cousin for being "A boy in a skirt" (Cousin's character was a kilted Scotsman). Way to keep it going strong in the next generation, dad. (Then I hated myself for not saying anything, but there is no talking my dad in a way that does not end in butthurt, so, yeah, that's yet ANOTHER kettle of fish.)
Dec. 29th, 2010 12:50 pm (UTC)
Aw crap, that was me. Didn't realize I wasn't logged in.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )