QUARTER MACHINE CAPSULE TRADES. Here is how it would work: You go out and buy a toy from a quarter machine (those little vending machines in the fronts of stores that are full of cheap toys in plastic capsules). You take out the toy and then craft, sculpt or draw something that will fit inside of the capsule. Then you exchange it, via mail, with somebody who has done likewise! I would love to fill a glass fish bowl with one-of-a-kind, designer quarter machine prizes in little capsules. Like artist trading cards but (arguably) even cooler! You can't even begin to imagine the heights of rapture to which this thought sends me. Swear to Jah. The possibilities! What could you do, working within the limitations of a plastic capsule? Would you make the limitation a part of the artwork? Ahhh!

I just don't know how many of my friends and artquaintances are also into sculpting and toys and being giant five-year-olds. This is not a green flag on this idea but more like a request for a show of hands. Who's interested? Suggestions regarding anything are also welcome!

P.S. Real Life is going awesomely. I am so, so glad I moved out here with Beth.

EDITEDITEDIT: Enough of you are interested that I'm working on a set of guidelines for this. I will post them somewhere ASAP! Not sure if it will be only here or my DA journal as well. But holy crap I'm excited!

When I talk about/draw my muse, I'm talking about the parts of myself that are the most elemental and "pure." Things in my mind and soul that are sometimes overwhelming and scary to me, but also sometimes the cause of great joy. He's something I sometimes have to submit to and compromise with. It can be both liberating and oppressive. I see him as a part of my body as much as my mind, because the two are inextricably linked. When you are afraid, your heart rate quickens; when you are restless, you can feel energy buzzing in your hands. That's my muse. I live with him every second of every day and his impulses aren't always in sync with my own rules or what society wants, and it's not always easy for me to make things work.

I got a note today from someone who was confused about the meaning of this drawing and asked if I could explain what was going on in it/what it was about. So there is a working artist's statement on the muse, written in maybe twenty minutes, until I write something better.

Guess what! I've been living with Beth now for HOLY GOD A WEEK. First livejournal from Bessieland. I am collecting cat toothmarks and trying to find a job. Haven't heard back from Starbucks and I'm afraid it's because my application read too much like I filled it out. I'm hoping I can con Chipotle or Ted's Montana Grill into taking my penniless ass under their corporate wing. I can wash dishes! I can ladle beans onto tortillas! Boy, can I ever!!!!!!(!)

Last night I got to meet Beth's artfriend, Joel, and I'm pretty sure he is the greatest. I might be biased because he showed me Batman: TAS artbooks and told me that my art was good. He and Beth and I will someday form a three-headed art-golem, unleashing prawns and monsters upon the land and laying waste to the village with our stop-motion animations.

A real-life social life. Imagine that. I don't understand yet how you guys balance these with online ones. Sorry for my invisibility! (Unless you're happy about it. In which case, happy birthday!)

EDIT: I forgot I wanted to do this meme I saw twinklestah post:

"Post a picture in my comments that you think describes me when you think about what/who I am. No matter how surreal or plain. Give no written explanation. Just an image."

I have been trying and failing at this "No DA, LJ, Twitter or Tegaki E until I finish Eli's Dragon" thing that I proposed to seraravi. My problem is that my online social life IS MY ENTIRE SOCIAL LIFE, and not everybody is always on AIM and I'm too awkward to start conversations when they ARE on AIM and I like to keep up with all y'all's biness like the creepyass stalker I am and keep y'all filled in on my biness so you don't forget that I exist. So I guess I'll be around, just practicing some moderation with my 'net time WHICH I SHOULD DO ALL THE TIME ANYWAY.

( I was going to say ten words about rest stops and it turned intoa love letter. )

My new religion (or the one I've been working on for a couple of decades, or the one I had as a kid and lost as a teenager) is based on the belief that whatever I choose to believe in will be true.

I think there are several things conspiring against me--A bad sleep schedule for the last couple of months, crappy nutrition, being back home after a lot of hanging out and adventuring with awesome people, and depression about my social anxiety/lack of independence/need for a job. It's quite the soup.

In news that is actually HAPPY I will be going to Disneyland on my birthday. I'm trying to get excited about that. It's almost working. Come on Jenny, pirates pirates PIRATES. I hope The Haunted Mansion ain't closed already for the Nightmare Before Christmas makeover because you can't go to Disneyland and NOT go through The Haunted Mansion okay?

Frooooooooogh. Internet hiatus starts... I don't know, maybe later on today? I'll still use email and messenger programs but I think that'll be it.

RARRRGH IT IS SO HARD AND THERE IS SO MUCH TO CONSIDER I AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME. The more I think about it the more terrified and discouraged I get. Anyone else ever shown portfolios to people? Any pro tips? I've read and been told many things but I still feel so LOST AND CONFUSED.

I HAVE THE HICCUPS NOW AND IT IS MAKING ME MAD.

monsterfeets

Reply to this meme by yelling "words!", and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your journal and explain what they mean to you. Keep in mind that if I don't know you that well, your words might end up kind of esoteric/oblique.

1. Firefly
I never saw fireflies ONCE in my life until June, when I visited monsterfeets. I started noticing sparkly little lights outside of the car while we were driving around in search of a creepy tree-lined road with a cemetery at the end. We never did find it, but I spent the whole time staring at fireflies. I was eight years old every time I saw one.

2. Apocalyptic
I'm really drawn to post-apocalyptic and dystopian stories/worlds. A lot of my favorite books have at least some connection to the apocalypse, environmental or societal collapse (Fight Club, The Lorax, Oryx and Crake). I have a fair amount of apocalyptic dreams and one of my major stories (Rabbit's Foot) takes place in a semi-post-apocalyptic world. I think this may go back to my concern for the environment and how deeply it affected me as a kid when I learned about pollution and global warming, etc. I used to (and still sort of do) have very emotional reactions to images of pollution, mass animal slaughter, deforestation, etc. It's scary to me that we're doing so much to ruin the planet and it could be too late before things begin to change. I think the other part of it is escapism. I remember when everyone was freaking out about Y2K, I actually hoped that technology would fail and society would crumble. The idea of a world where technology was moot and life would be centered around basic survival instead of fitting in socially was appealing to me. It sounded like adventure! and a solution to what seemed like horrible problems for me at the time.
My attitude isn't COMPLETELY the same now (and if you know anything about Rabbit's Foot, it does NOT take place in a romanticized setting), but I have to admit that there are times when a clean slate sounds nice.

3. Menagerie
ANIMALS. We've always had tons of pets and animals were the first things I was interested in. I no longer feel like I need to POSSESS them (okay, I'm better at fighting the urge), but I still love to watch and learn about them. Zoos are kind of weird places for me because I love certain things about them and hate others. Every time I go to one I feel motivated to work on a concept I came up with a year or two ago. It would be an art installation that involves setting up a space to resemble a dimly-lit aquarium, with windows into abstract dioramas that contain moving elements and atmospheric sound and lighting. The idea is to re-create the experience of a zoo or aquarium without using animals. Zoos are so artificial--I feel like an animal put on display without the context of its ecosystem--the animals that eat it or the plants it eats or the insects that pollinate those plants (and so on)--is less than "authentic." Besides just being visually stimulating, I would hope for my installation to make people question why they go to zoos, what need it fulfills for them, and whether traditional zoos are the only means to that end.

4. Shoreline
I live pretty close to the ocean, and have for my whole life. Sometimes I wonder if it would even be possible for me to live anywhere where it wasn't within driving distance. Just knowing it's there, feeling its proximity through the breeze and the humidity makes me feel comfortable and at home. It feels like I'm dying if I spend too long farther inland, especially where it's really arid. I am a spoiled San-Diegan. And make what you will of this, but I feel like I have a spiritual connection to water.

5. Dusk
This is a time for: Sitting in the driveway and hiding behind parents' cars when you hear someone driving by; trick-or-treating; fireflies (so I have learned); going outside and knowing you only have a few more munutes before Bigfoot comes out; watching movies because there is no more glare on the TV and it's getting too dark to do anything outside. I love the word dusk. It's one of those words that's perfect for what it is.

So the question is: which looks the best to you?

I am probably going to get these done by vistaprint.com unless I suddenly hear that they are terrible or something.

THIS IS MY BUSINESS CARD (so far/currently). Before I print the bastard I'd like some feedback so I don't wind up unwittingly printing a hundred tiny little TRAIN WRECKS. Choo guys think? Anything missing, is the image choice good, would you put something different on it, ETC.

In stupid news, Death Cab has a new EP out and I want it and I will probably spend money I am trying to save on it. AHHHHH.

World name: The City of San Tomas
Type of world: Post-apocalyptic flooded suburbs

History:
     A large-scale war in a world like our own ended in widespread bombings. One of the attacks happened near the suburban town of San Tomas, which centered around a large middle school. The explosions engulfed everything in blinding light and smoke that lasted for days. Holed up in the school, the students of San Tomas finally emerged when it looked like everything had cleared.
     The kids found their school dominating a small island of wrecked suburbia, surrounded by a newly-risen sea that stretched to the horizon on all sides. They also found that all adults seemed to have disappeared without a trace. There was nothing to do but settle into the school as a permanent home and try to survive. When Ssam gets there, it's been at least a year since the bombing.

( Here is a sketch of San Tomas Middle School. )

     It's always twilight in San Tomas and the sea is still except for the tide rising and receding, and its constant, gentle lapping. At low tide, the tops of some other buildings appear around the school to form a sort of archipelago.

( Here is the sea. )

     The kids have developed a fairly steady routine/social order/culture. A lot of the preexisting social structure from before the bombing has carried over; kids who were "popular" tend to have more authority, etc. There Are maybe a hundred-ish kids, all between the ages of twelve and fourteen (with maybe a few younger brothers or sisters in there). They've banded into groups under a handful of different personalities who had leader qualities.
     When Ssam shows up, one of the "tribes" is obsessed with rumors of a meteor that some of them spotted falling from the sky and landing waaay far out at sea. Some of them have begun building a boat to go and look at/retrieve it, but there is some controversy about whether or not it's safe. Ssam suspects that the meteorite may be a piece of the Gate, but he can't go in search of it alone and has to spend time a) trying to be accepted into the kids' group/s, b) convincing them that they SHOULD go after the meteorite, c) helping them build the boat, d) keeping competition over the meteorite from breaking out, and f)actually reaching it without getting eaten by anything.

     I'm considering the idea that the kids are each followed by a creature that resembles one of my "muses" and acts as a sort of intuitive spirit/extension of each kid's psyche. The spirits become frightening and possibly dangerous when the kids are angry or afraid. They would find it suspicious that Ssam doesn't have one (or maybe he would get one when he arrived?). I'm thinking his party members in San Tomas might also be travelers from other worlds, and the group of them have to either establish themselves in the social hierarchy or work outside of it to get what they want.

MORE LATER.

The center of activity in this world is a decrepit, possibly bombed-out junior high school. There are kids living in it and no adults/few adults to be found. The school might be on small island of abandoned suburbia in the midst of a vast, still ocean that stretches to the horizon in every direction. The sea is a milky greenish color and it's full of dead palm trees and floating palm logs. Some of the trees are still anchored to the bottom by their roots. The world may be in perpetual twilight, or maybe the twilight hours last for a disproportionately long time. The tops of a few structures besides the middle school are just poking out of the ocean around it like smaller islands.

Obviously something happened in this world. A war/natural disaster/interdimensional rift/SOMETHING. There are monsters. Del is probably there, and some not-so-nice monsters as well. This is me, so there are probably vampires and probably things that resemble my "muse" which are PROBABLY capricious as hell.

SSAM'S JOB when he gets to this place will have something to do with earning a place in the kid society and maybe leading them to some kind of resolution of whatever is wrong with their world. Maaaaybe they are keeping their chunk of the gate as some kind of talisman and they won't let Ssam have it until he proves they don't need it, or does something for them. Not sure what level of "Lord of the Flies" the kid culture will be. I'll keep whittling at it. THIS IS REALLY FUN.

(P.S. This is the Point-and-Click collab.)

While I was gone apparently some Internet Goblins raped our desktop computer and my brother had to take almost EVERYTHING off of it (including all of my writing--imagine the two and a half seconds of kidney-exploding terror I had before he told me it had all been moved to my mom's laptop). Bad news for Children of Maea: Photoshop has LEFT THE BUILDING. I will have to see if it's at all possible to color pages decently in APS or some freeware program. A Photoshop-bearing disc is rumored to be floating around here somewhars, but... this house has six peoples' worth of crap in it. Everywhere.

Internet hiatus: Just NOT gonna happen as planned. There is too much going on right now. I want in on this Point-and-Click collab that sfemonster is doing and I am already beginning to think grand thinks about the world I will build. My point-and-click-game experience is limited (I spent MY '90s watching cartoons and running wild outdoors), but I watched my brother play enough of Grim Fandango that I think I get the gist.

I need to start building my portfolio website thing!!! Beth gave me internetland on her domain (am I using internet language right?) and I need to do STUFF!!! Such as: Make a Dumpysaurus logo/mascot. It's kind of a weird internet handle to have when people have nothing to attach it to. Must build website. Then make business cards.

I have a million billion sketches from Kansas which may need to be dumped in multiple dumps. AHHH. Thinking about all the stuff I want and need to do is making me freak out. It is RELAX TIME.

HI. I've been drawing but not scanning anything. This was my reward to myself for finishing a comic page last night.

AHHHH in a week I fly to Kansastime!

Beth's Patronus is Sebastian. MINE IS NUKA.

This is science.

sfemonster

MARIAN :D. She has sunglasses. I don't know why. IT WAS WHAT I SAW IN MY HEAD. I think she looks like George Harrison with them on, so I can't complain. Hope you like it, man!

SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS: What the ffffffffhk is wrong with me? For the last threeish-fourish days I have been SUPER fatigued, prone to getting headaches when I move, short of breath and just damn TIRED. This is not something that happens to me all the time. I also keep getting the sensation that my wrists don't exist or are brittle and insubstantial. Or like there isn't any blood in me.

( And he's been sitting on my lungs. )

My Eyes are up Here

Man I've just been so busy, and Twitter is eating me. For the last few days I've been going steadily insane because the three markers that are a staple to EVERYTHING I DRAW EVER have dried up beyond use, and I had a bunch of drawings in progress. So I'm just full of fizzing energy that has nowhere to go hhhhhhhhhh.

I AM DOING A BUNCH OF STUFF THIS SUMMER. SPIVEYPALOOZA '09 ARE YOU READY.

( He is reminding me of some celebrity I can't identify and it is driving me crazy )

I'm sitting on a mountain of sketches of various things but I just can't be arsed to scan them. Maaaybe in a couple of days.

( Here. )

Now I am going quarter machine hunting with my brother yessss! I am so glad neither of us have lives. Beth I will imagine that you are with us IN SPIRIT.

So apparently my cousins booked me an art show up North of here. I am spamming this everywhere.

WHAT.
WHAT.
I've never done a show before--I had one thing in the campus gallery ONCE. Holy shhhhhhhh't.

Time to mat twenty million barely-related pieces of low art and hyperventilate!

I've slipped into 'net addiction in a bad way, so I am gonna try my mightiest to cut back today. I keep getting this restless urge to draw a million different things but when faced with the prospect of channeling it, nah I get on the Internet instead.